Windrumors | The Official Site of Wm. Paul Young, Author of "The Shack"

Venturing out to the edge … of the precipice Staring into the Grand Canyon of Papa’s love, Letting the wind blow in your face the freshness of a breeze whose scents you’ve only barely tasted before You take the risk …it’s time… You take the step …it’s time… You plunge…and suddenly… You are flying…

Willie…First, let me apologize for the long email below. I wanted to tell you my story and share with you how Papa has worked in my life since reading The Shack. Sixteen months ago, my life was turned upside down when I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. The doctors informed me that I would require aggressive dosages of chemotherapy to shrink the tumor and suppress the growth of the cancer. I also underwent surgery to remove the primary tumor. After 7 months of going every two weeks for my treatment, my body had nearly giving up. I reacted very poorly to the chemo and suffered many miserable days and nights from the effects. After taking a break from treatment for 5 months to undergo two surgeries, I was once again facing four more rounds of chemo. After my second round I could hardly go on — all of the side effects I had suffered over the previous year came rushing back in just two treatments. I felt as though my body was going to shut down. About this time my dear friends asked if they could come over to the house and read me a book they thought I would enjoy. That Saturday, the Sundas arrived around 9 AM with a small paperback book titled The Shack. I must admit that I was feeling better that day and really didn’t want to sit on the couch and have my husband and friends take turns reading this book aloud to me. As one began reading the first chapter, I still was wondering why she thought she needed me to hear this book. Another read the next chapter and another the next. Dozens of books about dealing with and living through cancer had been given to me by well thinking friends — The Shack I thought is just another book that I can throw on the bookshelf in the upstairs guest room. I was angry that I was going through this and I didn’t want to sit and listen to chapters being read aloud. When Mack opened his mailbox and found the letter, everything changed. I began to listen intently. They read on to the point where Mack approaches the shack and meets Papa. My friends then closed the book, handed it to me, prayed for me and quickly left as they were late for a lunch appointment. The rest of the afternoon, my husband and I spent reading The Shack, pausing often to laugh or cry or discuss a revelation that Papa brought to our hearts. Nearly forty three years ago, I was born in New York City to Puerto Rican parents who pastored a small independent church in the Bronx. Legalism ruled my life as I attempted to abide by all the rules that I was taught in the church. I quickly rebelled as I knew I could never do enough to please the god of these rules, so at 13 I turned my back on the church and my parents stopped making me attend. Ten years later, I recommitted my life to God and began attending my parents’ church. About this time my friend John and I began dating and were married in 1987. My husband did not know what he was getting himself into. I never talked about the physical and sexual abuse I had suffered as a child by family members and by people in the church. My siblings had suffered like abuse. My parents before us were both abused as children. My family lived one life for others to see and another that no one ever saw. I always hated people telling me that they wished they could be part of our family — if they only knew. My husband had grown up as a missionary kid in Africa to parents that served the Lord for nearly 50 years. I used to joke and call his family “the Walton’s.” We began attending some churches in the many cities we lived in over the first several years. I began to see a different God than the one that I had been introduced to all of my life. But I still only believed in spurts. When times were going well, everything was well. When trouble came or times got tough, I quickly reverted back to thinking that I was being punished because of disbelief or disobedience. You can imagine how I felt when I was diagnosed with advanced stage cancer. Thoughts from my childhood filled my mind — what had I done to deserve this? I remembered thinking as a child about how God and Satan were not much different. At least with Satan, I knew where I stood. I believed that God was watching at all times to strike me down when I messed up. For years I thought that God told my mother when I was sinning. It wasn’t until I was married that my one sister told me that my mother would ask me questions in my sleep and I would answer her. Now that I had cancer and didn’t know how much time I had left to live, I began to revert back to these early thoughts. I knew that I had disappointed God by not being obedient over the years. I didn’t pray enough, I didn’t spend enough time reading the Bible, I didn’t use my voice to sing on the worship team at church. These were just some of the thoughts that raced through my mind. I wasn’t afraid of dying, I was afraid of the disgusted look on God’s face when I would meet him face to face. (emphasis by ‘Willie’) As I read about Papa, Jesus and Sarayu, a sense of relief flooded my heart. I understood that Papa really loved me, mess and all. When he looked at me it was not with disgust, but delight. I was not being punished; He was taking this terrible situation and bringing hope to me. God wasn’t out to punish me; he redeemed me and wanted to have a relationship with me. When Papa tells Mack that he did not disappoint them because they don’t have any expectation of him, a light came on. I realized that I was not a disappointment to Papa, he didn’t have a list of rules that prevented me from pleasing him. The fresh love of Papa flooded over me as I sat on my patio reading. I could go on endlessly about specific parts of the story and what they meant to me, but let me simply say that since reading The Shack (twice now — I broke out the highlighter on the second read), my relationship with Papa, Jesus and Sarayu has become real. I feel a sense of ease in their presence. Thank you for sharing Mack’s story. Besides the Bible, this book has impacted my life more than any other book. I thank Papa for the clarity The Shack has given me and I pray that people everywhere will be impacted by it. ______________________________________________________________________________________

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