Archive for the ‘From Paul’s Desk’ Category

Thursday, August 30th, 2007 by admin

More Stories

Venturing out to the edge … of the precipice Staring into the Grand Canyon of Papa’s love, Letting the wind blow in your face the freshness of a breeze whose scents you’ve only barely tasted before You take the risk …it’s time… You take the step …it’s time… You plunge…and suddenly… You are flying…

(more…)

Thursday, August 30th, 2007 by Paul

Arrivals #2

So i have been a little occupied these last couple weeks.  Sorry for the slow breaking news…what can I tell you.

My first grand-daughter, Elle Payton Young was born, rather quietly, on August 24th, 6 pounds 10 ounces of sweetness, to Courtney and Andrew Young.  So within the span of about three weeks, I have in my arms treasures that has traken me years to get ready for.  How can such new creations, Gavin and Elle, birth in me such longing and love?  And now I have a cold and I can’t even hold and kiss them, but that too will pass.  Below is a picture of Gavin in his Uncle Andrew’s hat! 

Elle already wearing hats.jpg

Wednesday, August 15th, 2007 by Paul

Is the story of THE SHACK true…is Mack a ‘real’ person?

This is a continuation, sort of, from The Shack Update – Background #2

Okay, now you have to try and understand how weird this is.  I am sitting in Eagle Creek, in a rented house, writing a story for my kids.  I am not writing a story that I intend or expect will be published.  Actually the thought never even entered my mind.  I was going to write this thing as a gift, then go down to Office Depot or Kinkos or somewhere and photoshop a cool cover, put it in a spiral bound book sort of thing, and that would be that.

So, I didn’t have to follow any normal rules about writing something.  Actually, I didn’t even really know or care about what the normal rules might be…never thought about it.  I wanted my kids to enjoy a story and through the story to understand there own father better and the God that their father is so in love with.  I even had this brilliant idea to have Willie (me) ghost-write the story for Mack, and so on my very first Title Page, it said, The Shack, written by Mackenzie Allen Phillips, with William P Young.  I thought it was clever and that the kids would get a laugh out of it.

This means that Mack, of course, is not a ‘real’ person.  My children would recognize that Mack is mostly me, that Nan is a lot like Kim, my wife, that Missy and Kate and the other characters often resemble our family members and friends.  So it was no big deal…until the first version of the loose leaf book sort of ‘got out’ (because people kept passing it to their friends), and I find out that somebody in California and somebody in Canada think seriously about buying plane tickets to come to Oregon to meet and talk to Mack.  Now that would have been a little embarrassing, don’t you think?  So we removed Mack as the author, but I kept the ghost-writer idea as a story element…which is still causing some problems but not near what could have happened the other way.

Is the story ‘real’?  The story is fiction.  I made it up.  Now, having said that, I will add that the emotional pain with all its intensity and the process that tears into Mack’s heart and soul are very real.  I have my ‘shack’, the place I had to go through to find healing.  I have my Great Sadness…that is all real.  And the conversations are very real and true.  While Mack experiences some particulars that I have not (the death of my niece the day after her fifth birthday was a horrible accident, but not a murder), there are depths of pain and shame and hopelessness that I have experienced, that Mack did not.  And I know people who have suffered exactly what Mack suffers in the story. 

So is the story true?  The pain, the loss, the grief, the process, the conversations, the questions, the anger, the longing, the secrets, the lies, the forgiveness…all real, all true.  The story in particular… fiction… but….  Then there is God who emerges so very real and true, unexpected and yet not unexpected, but surprising and…       

So… is all this real?  Is all this true?  I suppose each of us has to decide for ourselves, don’t we?

Wednesday, August 15th, 2007 by Paul

The Shack – update – Background #2

Continued from Background #1 (May Archive)

So…I am riding the Max for 40 minutes each way from Gresham, OR to downtown Portland where I was working.  This is during Feb – April 2005, and I start taking yellow legal pads and joting down ‘conversations’.  Remember, I am thinking about writing this for my kids, so I am searching for a good vehicle to communicate through.  I figure a good story would be great…but I didn’t have one.  So I started with what I did have…conversations.  So, off and on, for about three months I wrote down conversations; conversations that I was having with God mostly, but which often included friends or family. 

You gotta understand something…I had not plan here.  In fact, when I first even thought about this project, all I could think about was doing a sort of dictionary of rambling opinions…you know, ‘A’ for Astronomy, and Art, and Aristotle, and Anarchy, and Adultery, and Absolutes, and Anti-nomianism…anything that I had an opinion about…don’t laugh.  Actually, it is quite funny…looking back.  But I was pretty serious about trying to do something systematic and organized…make my kids proud.  :)

But as soon as I got into these ‘conversations’ all that systematic stuff fell away.  I became enamored with these unrelated and intriguing conversations.  At one point I was going to call this little book for my kids, ‘Conversations with God’, but then I found out somebody had already written that book and even turned it into a movie.  For me these conversations were alive and I found myself waking up in the middle of the night and writing down scraps of dialogue.  More often than not, when I looked at those bits and pieces in the morning I couldn’t make heads or tails of what I had written down and it usually made no sense at all…but I remembered vaguely that it had been soooo cool! 

So, in May, 2005 I had a few yellow pads pretty much filled up and a whole bunch of scraps of paper; edges of newspapers, parts of napkins (serviettes for you cultured folk), backs of grocery store receipts etc.  I was a little concerned that a good wind could blow it all away and so I decided that I needed to input my notes into the computer.

The first Saturday I started working on inputting was the first time I decided that a ‘story’ would be the right vehicle for these conversations.  I didn’t have one (a story), but I thought it was a great idea.  So I began to create characters in situations that would allow my conversations to occur.  These conversations were very ‘real’ to me, buried in the experiences and processes of my life…mostly over the last fifteen years.

This ends this particular background blog…I am actually going to pick up the story, sort of, in another blog called "Is the Story of THE SHACK true…is Mack a real person?"  Then I will come back and pick up things where this and that blog leave off.

Wednesday, August 8th, 2007 by Paul

Arrivals and Departures

Living is punctuated by moments when you know you tread near the veil; you know that veil… that separates this seemingly concrete world of daily activities and routines and general busy-ness, from that ‘other’ reality… the dimensions of the Spirit where shoes are taken off, and silence whispers your name and the deepest longings are revealed and palpably present.  Birth and Death are often moments where you can almost reach your hand through that wavering translucent veil, when everything that truly matters attends you with almost razor clarity, when words become sharpened with the weight of meaning and a holy hush hints at the attendance of angels.

William GAVIN Young, was born 11:45 AM, August 5th, 2007… 7 pounds, 5 ounces and healthy.  Suddenly I am something I wasn’t before; a grandfather.  I cry with my son, the veil is thin, I joy in the miraculous, I wonder at Papa’s goodness…

Within less than a handful of hours, a new and precious friend, Patrick, witnesses his grandson Isaac fall asleep for the last time in this world and awake forever in the arms of Another.  He weeps with his children, the veil is thin, he joys in the miraculous and wonders at Papa’s goodness…

There is something intensely ironic and appropriate that almost at the same time that the ‘sound of laughter’ entered heaven, Gavin came screaming and kicking into this world.

 

Gavin.jpg

Wednesday, August 1st, 2007 by Paul

Clackamas Town Center (Mall) – 1999 (poem)

Here I am
                sitting
                                in the middle of women’s shoes
                                in the middle of a department store
                                in the middle of a mall
I lost my wife
                somewhere
                                along the way
I looked down to write a check and ‘poof’ she disappeared.
I tried to follow her trail through the vastness of that other department store but
                she left no distinctive clues and 
                I failed to find her no matter how many circles I wandered…so
Here I am
                sitting
                                 a bag with the recent purchase on one side
                                three pairs of shoes waiting in boxes for her on the other side
                                my choice to be a stationary target.
Afterall
                this is not my natural habitat.
 
 
Here I am
                sitting
                and watching
                                women foraging over red tag sales
                                while husbands-in-waiting stand tentatively
                                                casting furtive glances hoping for a quick kill
                                                and a soon return to the safety of their castles
                                                and comfort of television remotes.
                                young ladies with beaus in tow
                                                in training
                                future husbands-in-waiting
                                cornered warriors trapped by infatuation.
                women glancing in my direction knowing
                                I am out of place
                                                short, balding, middle aged white male
                                                in Women’s Shoes, alone
                                                obviously lost….or worse
                                they grip their children’s hands a little tighter
                                                as they hurry by
                                and I smile and hope
                                                my smile doesn’t look …evil.
 
 
I am still here
                sitting
                and watching
                                She will find me pretty soon
                                                store closes in less than an hour
                                                young unmarried male sales clerk thinks he understands
and smiles
                                                                but keeps an eye on me anyway
                                mostly women ‘just looking’ for nothing in particular
                               
 
 
other men passing by looking at other women passing by
                                                avoiding eye contact but willing to ogle the shapes
                                                and in so doing miss the real action
                                                                in the faces
wherein lies true beauty
                                                                                wonders of mysteries
                                                                                and untold stories both good and bad.
 
                                Two women with young boy about the age of my youngest
                                                same energy but a little more undisciplined
                                                can’t tell for sure which one is the mother
                                                                probably the one that doesn’t care as much
                                                                                and is trying on sneakers
                                                                while the other reprimands and warns and threatens
                                                                                without consequence
                                                                                and then glances at me with quick looks
                                                                                                of embarrassment and wariness.
                                                She would probably relax a little if she knew that this
                                                                short balding middle aged white male in Women’s Shoes
                                                                had six kids of his own,
                                                                but she doesn’t
                                                                                and keeps her own close.
 
My pager goes off and I call home.
She has tracked me down
                waiting in the car outside that other store.
 
I apologetically leave the three pairs of shoes in their boxes by my chair
                young unmarried males sales clerk thinks he understands
                                and smiles
                                probably breathes a sigh of relief as he watches me out the door.
 
I am grinning as I get into the car, a little unsure of what awaits.
She laughs when I tell her where I’ve been and says,
                “Most men would have been furious…”
                and I feel like a king

                                wanting never to be like most men.

-William Paul Young

Sunday, July 29th, 2007 by Paul

The Tyranny of the Fear of Financial Insecurity

Ok, another long post from another email conversation that we,  (the person who wrote me and I) both think is valuable enough to put out there for you all. 

The first email:

I read your response to the questions of "money" and again I am ripped apart..

My husband and I left full time ministry about 6 years ago. I left our home as a full time Mom/wife/housekeeper etc.. to go back to work so my husband could finish school. To be most honest, it’s been a huge struggle. The man I love went through about an 8 year depression and I danced with it a few times myself! He has really had a difficult time with not knowing what he’s good at. Even with a degree he has been unable to find a job that appeals to him. We are both the kind of people that need to "love" what we are doing. Does that make sense??
 
His current job is not going well. He works for a "Christian" company and they treat their employees about as good as you sometimes get treated in the church! (as an employee) Recently we felt comfortable enough that I stepped down as office manager where I work to go part time. (I am still at my job, just lesser duties) So I go to work yesterday and was informed that they were giving me a $7.50 an hour pay cut. I about choked. It was all I could do to keep from crying…. The past 2 months, my husband is not getting the bonus checks he was and we are on the brink of financial disaster.
 
In the meantime this week, it becomes clear that my husband is depressed again. My sister called to tell me my Mom’s ovarian cancer has returned and she will go thru all the same chemo treatments she just endured. I told a friend that I was experiencing some peace in life and now I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. I am observing myself wanting to fix and control. So I’ve sent out a flurry of resumes. I’ve thought of different things we would do to generate income. And yesterday I realized, that’s they way you used to do things! You don’t have to do this…Where is your trust and faith? Will doing the same things over again really get you different results?
 
I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know how to pray. I just sense this tiny nagging to relax and not worry. So faint I can barely hear it. Is that Papa? I just don’t want to screw things up with my controlling way of doing things again. I don’t want to take another job I don’t LOVE.
 
I guess I am writing to you because I admire your honesty, your relationship with Papa and your soft kind words that can rip people apart! I am not asking for advice. Just wanted to share and to see if you could draw from your experience any words of encouragement.
 
I told my friend how selfish I feel. I don’t know if I can or want to deal with another long bout of depression. Or being broke. Or being selfish! It’s a vicious cycle… I want off.
 

Thank you for listening to me

 

Here is my response:

I am right there with you in so many ways…I really do understand.

A couple years ago, spring and summer of 2004, I decided that it was time to deal with the last ‘big’ fear in my life: financial insecurity.  Over the prior 11 years I had experienced a process of healing that almost killed me (literally) and now this was the last big thing for me.  So I decided to go on a fast (not something I do very often) and take my case up with God.  My basic prayer was, "I need to understand.  I have trusted you with my finances all my life and we have had a very rocky time of it.  While there have been a few good time, there have been many more devastations.  There has never been ease or contentment and we have been broadsided so many times that I was sure the ship was going down.  How come this fear still dominates my life when I have trusted you with our finances."

On day five of the fast, God came to visit and very firmly confronted me.  This is as verbatim as I can remember what he spoke to my heart.  "What?  You have never trusted me with your finances.  That piece of property you keep saying is ‘mine’ (God’s)…well I can’t get my hands on it.  Every time I try, you manipulate relationships, shade the truth, scramble, sometimes out-right lie, just to save it.  You have never trusted me with your finances!"

I was stunned, floored and convicted.  I immediately saw that what God had told me was the truth.  My response, "Okay then, I am finished!  No more manipulation, no more hinting to people that I need help so they will bail me out, no more scrambling, not more shading the truth, no more lies…I am done!  I am gong to live one day at a time and whatever happens, you will be there with me.  I am finished."

Within six months, we lost the beautiful house on 2 and a half acres on a hill overlooking a valley, where we had lived for 19 years, we lost our cars, we lost virtually every material thing we had, moved to a small rental way out in the woods (where I wrote The Shack) and six months later into the small rental in Gresham where we live now. Most of this time I have worked at least three jobs (jobs that Papa brought along) just to put food on the table and pay the bills. 

One important side note…I have some brothers in my life who had the financial ability to ‘pull me out, rescue me’…I went to them and told them, "I know you love me, and I know you love my family…but God is doing something in my life and I want you to only do something if God clearly puts it on your heart, otherwise I don’t want you to interfere, you may be interfering with God’s purposes."  And other than help with food and a few other needs, they didn’t.  A group of them even sat with me at the county courthouse as our family home was auctioned off…just to be with me.

But today I am free!  Our time in Gresham has been one of the greatest times of spiritual growth in our family.  Our kids had to make huge changes and they did with open hearts.  I have no fear of money or financial security anymore…the imaginations of the future are gone and I have learned to live in the truth of the present, where Jesus dwells with me.  As I write this to you I have $245.97 in our checking account, and less than $25 in savings.  But next week, I will get my paycheck (and Kim’s $111.41 a week for unemployment while she is off for the summer) and there will be enough money for rent and bills and food and gas for another couple weeks.  My life is full of joy!  And it would be even without the book and all that surrounds that…I never invested any expectation of security in the book, and still don’t.  Would I like an actual office area rather than this desk down in this crowded unfinished basement…sure!  But whether I have it or not makes absolutely no difference to me…this is what I have ‘today’ and I am so grateful for it, so full of thanksgiving.  Tomorrow is a myth and a drunk driver or a little wayward cell in my body could obliterate any expectation I could have.  I only have grace for today and in embracing a life being loved…I am FREE!

It is not about the finances, it is not about the jobs, it is all about HIM!  He alone is our life, our security, our joy.  As I read your words, the one theme that came up repeatedly is the limitation that you want to put on Papa.  You want to live a life of faith providing that he gives you both jobs that you love.  That is the framework that binds your adventure and sets the bars on your prison…I think it also defines a great deal of the depression that you experience.  I only want an adventure if it at least means…..  personally, I have ‘never’ had a job that I loved, but I have been loved in every job I have ever had, and I am not talking about the people I worked with (even though I have had amazing relationships within the context of every job I have had too.)

The still small voice you are hearing…that is PAPA!  No doubt!  He wants you to come home!  He wants you both to trust him no matter what happens, to live loved one day at a time…OPEN!

My heart is full for you and your husband.  I know that you are not alone in this part of the journey.  ..and know this…you are loved by a love relentless, and somewhere along the line you asked for this.  You said something like, "I want all of You, I want to know You, teach me to trust, set me free, heal me."  Papa will always take those prayers seriously and go after everything that will prevent those things from happening.  Thus the painful process.

We are alone, yet never alone
Surrounded,
Paul

 

And the response back:

Thank you … I appreciate you being so candid with me. I am truly grateful. You touched on so many points that are exactly what I am experiencing that I could write another long email! But won’t, except the part about money..
 
Papa has been telling me the same thing for years. YEARS… I just ignore him most of the time because I like to be in control. This morning he told me not to worry about looking for a job and I argued, well Just let me look! I just want to see what’s out there… I have never trusted him in this area.. After I read your email I said to my husband, what’s the worst that can happen? We agreed that losing our home would be the worst thing. Bad credit. Having to move.. So??
 
In love, with much gratitude for your honest sharing.

Sunday, July 29th, 2007 by Paul

General Updates on The Shack stuff – July 29, 2007

I am still working on getting the site over to Joomla, and while it was ‘soon’ last month, it is even ‘sooner’ now.  I should probably just quit messing with stuff, but…

The podcast that I recorded last month with Greg Albrecht and Plain Truth is now posted… http://www.ptm.org/young/   I never like to listen to my own voice much, so it’s there if you would like a listen.  I was fun…that is about all I remember.  They kindly gave me the entire back cover of their magazine, The Plain Truth, to promote the book.  Their website, Christianity Without the Religion, can be linked to at ttp://www.ptm.org/cwr/.  You can click on the ‘magazine’ menu item and get a free year’s subscription if you like.  They have asked me to wrtie some articles for them, and I hope to do that.

Heading down to Salem next Sunday, the 5th of August, to hang out with a bunch of folks connected to Dena and Mark Brehms.  That is going to be wonderful, I can’t wait.

Did another radio show, this time for an old … uh, an older… uh, someone that I have known for a long time, who is a nationally certified grief counselor and Hospice caregiver.  She is amazing!

But the really big news is that any day now, our first grand child will be emerging out of seclusion (our first is due August 4th and our second is due August 21st).  We are sooooo ready!!

Just received an invitation to sign books and speak up in Abottsford B.C., hosted by the 3rd largest bookstore in Canada…don’t know details yet, but will keep you posted.

My son Nicholas and I are planning to try to take a weekend in August and travel the journey from Portland, OR out to Wallowa Lake, up the tram etc, and tape some video segments that we can put online.  Probably five or six, so that you can see some of the sites from the book, like Multnomah Falls, the Columbia Gorge, Joseph, the camp site, the tram…maybe event the cabin, if we can pull it off.  Sounds like fun, eh?

I am starting to work on recording a CD version of the book…hoping to have a couple test chapters done in the next two weeks.  Will keep you posted on that.

 

Someday, I hope I get to travel and that my journeys will take you close to where ‘you’ are, so we can sit and hang out a bit over a cup a coffee, or for me a Chai tea, extra hot, with soy (or just tea of any type really). 

Blessings to you all,

 (Paul)

 

 

Thursday, July 26th, 2007 by Paul

Money and Law

This is a rather long post…but it might be worth a look anyway.

There are two parts to this post: First, I received a very well thought out and gentle email from a person with a great heart and obvious love for Papa.  The questions raised are important.  The second part of this post is my response.  First the email:

I’ve only just begun to read your book "The Shack" (on the advice of several friends who recommended it very highly and were very much encouraged by it).  So far it’s very good.  

I do have a question for you if you will allow me a moment of your time, as well as the grace to ask this despite the potential of some lacking in eloquence of approach.  I do not intend any of this with a judgmental attitude.  I simply want to understand.  I am often curious why so many authors who claim to have been so deeply touched by God and seek for a way to share it with the world, go down the road of profit seeking with the works they publish.  Please understand bro, I do not mean to suggest with absoluteness that you have any false motive for writing your book and I don’t even necessarily mean "profit seeking" as though it were a strictly negative thing (i.e. greed)…  I am merely asking for your thoughts on this.  I am a writer also (have written many articles and am considering authoring a book in near future as well as some collaborative projects with other friends) and have often felt that to take what God gives me freely out of love and goodness to share with others would be the same as prostituting His gift.  That’s simply how strongly I feel about it.

 I am compelled and encouraged by the fact that Jesus did not charge for His revelations or His service to those He loved, but gave of Himself to others – even unto death.  The apostles, likewise, gave themselves to the body of Christ and the world around them without charge.  No one ever imagines that Paul or any of the other writers of the New Testament sought to profit by the letters they wrote to people and, in fact, I really believe that if they had done that (especially if Jesus had done that) we would not look on their writings the same way today.
 
In the age of technology and, specifically, the Internet – I have often wondered why some authors feel they must sell their book exclusively when it would be just as easy to also offer it freely in electronic format from a website.  I have nothing against offering the option to purchase a hard copy, but why not a freely downloadable copy for those who may not have the finances?  The costs involved in making this possible are virtually insignificant.
 
Again bro, I am simply curious about your perspective on this matter.  I do not mean to judge you one way or the other.  I am still investigating some of these things out myself.  I have close friends; some are musicians, some authors, some with other gifts from God, and each of them give these things away without cost.  That attitude has always encouraged me.  Some of these friends are older in years and are by no means wealthy, but (like Paul) they will not allow anyone to rob them of the joy of sharing God’s gift without charge.  It’s those kind of folks that I want to know what makes them really tick and it’s those kinds of folks that my heart opens far easier to what they have to say.
 
My personal conviction at this point is very much of the feeling that, if what we share is something God has given to us for others, then it diminishes our testimony when we sell it for a price.  Especially if we feel we have to because we need the money…  Then, it seems, we are crossing over into the realm of trying to serve both God and mammon.  When God enlightens my heart with His truth in revelation, my desire is also to share that truth… But I cannot fathom how a person immediately thinks, "how can I sell this information?"  Often times if a person offers that he has something to share with me but there is a price tag attached to it, I am naturally suspect as to how genuinely he even believes what he has written.  If he is genuinely compelled and overwhelmed with the truth God has impacted him with, what is it that motivates him to sell it instead of happily seek for a way to share it freely?
 
Please, if you have time bro, I would love to hear your insights on this matter.  I know you get a lot of mail and the last thing you probably want to have to deal with is someone picking you apart.  Please bro, that really is not my heart here at all.  I simply wish to understand and hear your side on this.  It will help me to process some of the questions I have as to why some believers in Jesus feel the need to charge for the things God gives them to share.  For all I know, your response may be the one that helps me to see another side to the issue than what I have seen generally.                              Thanks so much and God bless you man!!! :)

Did you get the sense of what this dear person wrote?  Great question and one that will surely come up again (and actually has already).  So here is my response back, for your consideration:

"I am not offended in the least by your questions and I appreciate that you would take the time to drop me an email about the things that concern you.  I don’t sense anything negative or judgmental in your inquiry and I think this is a very important conversation.

There are many ways to approach this discussion, so I will throw a bunch of them at you.  First some background, some of which you may already know.  I am the husband of one, the father of 6, live in Gresham, OR in a small rented house, where each small bedroom is shared by two and we have one bathroom.  My office is in the unfinished basement barely visible between hanging laundry and shelves for pantry and boxes of storage.  Kim and I have ( had until one of them just quit this week and cannot be resurrected) two vehicles, the one that is working is one given to us by friends; it was fixed after a major accident.  I am currently borrowing a vehicle from one of my sons and his wife to commute to my work, which is an 8-5 job running a one man office for a manufacturer’s rep (I do everything from inside sales, to inventory management to cleaning the bathroom).  Kim works during the school year in the bakery of the large High School two blocks away from where we live.  I wrote the story for my kids, with no thought of publishing at all and when the opportunity presented itself through a number of unique and God-involved situations, and after prayer and counsel, we (and two friends) borrowed money for the first printing.  At this point I have not received anything financially from the project.  I buy the books, usually by the case, so that I can give them away or charge $10 each, which covers my costs.  I then send the money back to the publisher to buy more books.  If this book takes off like it looks like it will, then there will be lots of new issues that we have to face, but that is just speculation and imagination right now, and if that happens I know God will walk an eventuality out one day at a time.

The presence of the Spirit and the leading of God from the first day of all this has been undeniable.  I am not driven by the money, nor by any sense of worth or identity that might be derived from all this.  I simply live one day at a time listening to Him and watching in amazement at everything that He is doing.  The direction to put this in a printed format (when we had no guarantee that we would re-coup our costs to the printer, the designers, the editors) was at the direction of the Jesus that dwells in us.  We talked about all the things you brought up…using the internet, free downloads etc but that is not how we have been led.  How can that be, you ask?  Frankly, I don’t know.  And that is the first major point about all this.

Life is not about coming up with an ‘ethic’ or set of principles that govern our behavior…not in the Kingdom…it is about a union relationship with an indwelling living person who sees and understands a much bigger picture than our ethics or principles.  As soon as an ethic (of money, for example) is administered, you flirt with legalism.  There is nothing easier than being able to justify a particular legalism based on ‘principle’ or ‘proof-text’ or ‘examples from experience’.  This you can do, apart from God.  The big question that legalism asks constantly is, "How much is enough?"  Where do you draw the line?  God gives you the gift of a healthy body, why do you charge a wage for using it in a job?  Why don’t you simply work for free and trust God to supply all your needs?  Why did Paul not give away the tents instead of selling them?  Do we really see life separated into secular activities (that we can charge a price for) and spiritual activities (that we must not charge a price for)?  So at what point does an ability move from one sphere to another?  So an architect can sell his abilities but the artist cannot?  So we can pay to support the ‘teacher’ (laborer is worthy of his hire) and put that in an ‘okay’ category, but he must not write a song and get paid for that?  Who decides how much to pay to support him?  And who decides what level of pay is proper and spiritual?  Just ask anyone paid for ‘ministry’ about the tyranny of living under the constant judgment of those who pay him or her (what is it okay to spend that money on?).  How much is enough?  When does work become valuable enough to pay for or be compensated?  When does art (that ‘should’ be free) become Commercial Art (that ‘should’ be paid for)?  How does a intellectual or creative skill differ from a physical one?  Who decides where to draw the line?

Besides creating a huge gulf between ‘secular’ and ‘spiritual’, legalism (the creation of an ethic that is external based on principles or perceived truths) also give everyone a basis for judging not only the intent and motivation of others, but of oneself, and let me tell you…this is a dead end trap.  I believe you do ‘not’ want to do this (judge others), but you will.  It can’t be helped.  The way you are thinking makes it unavoidable.  Paul, the apostle, understood this better than anyone (I think).  Twice he writes, "I do not judge any man according to the flesh…I do not even judge myself."  He is saying that the thoughts and intents of the heart of so inscrutable and impossible for us to fathom and understand that we will almost always be wrong.  There is no ethic of principle, or ethic of experience that is sufficient to plumb the depths of human motivation and intention.

Let me also say that this plays directly into the personalities and histories of individuals who have a poor sense of their worth or value (I am not intimating any such about you, as I don’t know you).  They may actually be susceptible to the very same trap or bog as the world is; that somehow money equals value.  Jesus never attacked money, but the ‘love’ of it, and both the rich and the poor are susceptible to that, actually anyone that centers the activities of their life around it, whether they have any or have none.  Let me tell you, an ethic of poverty is much more easily justified than an ethic of wealth, but both will lead you to error and divide relationships in the body of Christ.  Job’s issue was never wealth (which God gave him). 

Life is about being filled and led by the Spirit ‘today’…not a system of ethics, rules, principles etc.  God has the ability to speak to my heart and say, "Take your first born son and go to Mt Moriah and offer him as a sacrifice to me" or "Take all that you have, sell it, and give it to the poor" or "Here is your inheritance, go an spend it on whatever you will…I’ll be here with all my wealth waiting for you when you are finished." 

You see, it is not about ethics, not about principles…it is about the Life who indwells us and is leading us ‘today’.  If you or your friends choose to give away certain things that you do or create, and if that leading is because it is what Jesus is saying to you…great!  If not (if it is because of an ethic, or religious persuasion, or you would feel guilty if someone paid you), then it is sin.  If I am a poor brother looking askance at the rich brother next to me, whether I feel superior in my poverty or am wondering why he isn’t helping me out…I do not understand the kingdom that I am part of.  I am no one’s master. 

What does this mean…huge freedom for me.  I am not at the mercy of someone else’s ethic (or especially, of my own), but I can trust the leading of God in my life to participate with him in whatever he is doing.  If today his leading is to give something or everything away, I will give it away, and if when I get to tomorrow his leading is to charge for something, I will charge for it.  Neither action is assumed to be better or more spiritual, but both are obedience.

I hope this makes some sense to you…it is my first attempt at trying to put such a response onto ‘paper’ – as you probably would also, I prefer an on-going conversation.  I would recommend a book by Jacques Ellul called ‘Money and Power’ that was very helpful to me.  It is small but weighty.

In this ‘freedom’ that I live within, will I make mistakes?  Might I mistake the voice of the Spirit for my own subtle need for security (that money seems to promise)?  Will there be people who will make all sorts of judgments about my intent and motives?  Might they be right sometimes?  Is it possible that I could be hearing wrong?  The answer to every on of these questions is ‘of course’.  But that is the wonder of this journey…God and I will work it out one day at a time, with no guilt or condemnation.  I will say this, the mistakes I will experience inside a life of freedom pale in comparison to the mistakes I would make in a life of legalism.

Brother, again I so appreciate you taking the time, but even more the attitude of love and inquiry that permeates your words.  We are in this together, for his glory and his purposes…whatever those might be."

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